Mechanically Charged Demon Product

This is a true story!

I was sitting in my house watching television when all of a sudden there was this commercial for something. It was about a "Mechanically Charged Product" described as fulfilling anyone's most primal desires, while brightly colored mascots danced to the tune of DATA EXPUNGED. I called the number at the end and there was a bright flash. Suddenly I had the MCP on my lap. I opened it and it screamed at me and then I was Ultros from Final Fantasy VI.
Seafood soup.